A Story in Clichés

She's not one for sugar coating anything, doesn't beat about the bush. She had her knickers in a twist, said she had a bone to pick. And then I got an earful, She went on and on, like a broken record, but barely skimmed the tip of the iceberg. That rattled my cage, so I pointed out the elephant in the room. She begged to differ, started pulling cheap tricks, name calling. I shrugged - sticks and stones and all that.

Then she said I'd lost my marbles - that I was completely out to lunch. That was the last straw. She thinks she's got me under her thumb - but the worm has turned. I'm sick to death of walking on eggshells. She's thrown down the gauntlet and now I'm going to rock the boat. I'll prove there's more to me than meets the eye. I'm turning over a new leaf.

Dressed to kill, I go out to 'get a life' as she suggested. I don't know who's life yet, but good things always come to those who wait, or is it the early bird that catches the worm? Either way, I'm not cutting corners this time...

***

I'd not traveled far from the beaten path, when he came out of nowhere and stared at me, like a deer in headlights. Well, I'm never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and he clearly wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, which really was the icing on my cake. I followed him - right up my street. This will all end in tears. His tears.

I decided to wring his neck and he screamed until he was blue in the face.

They say I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached, so I took his with me for good measure. But with my thinking cap on, it hit me – two heads are better than one and it's always good to be prepared, so I picked another one up on a whim. It was a piece of cake. I've got a knack for this. I've found my calling.

I've been busy as a bee since then, burning the candle at both ends. It's been an emotional roller-coaster, but take it from me - I'm living happily ever after…