To Be Seen

this guilt
seeps through my
veins and I'd change if
I could
heartbeat, swear it
I'd give up my self, my fears
my blood, for us
just tell me how
I've heard
the eyes are windows
and hers are so open
so bright with attention
and experience
but not mine
and she doesn't seem
to notice
my dark tint
and taped up cardboard
cutouts, misdirection, the sleight of
hands when I kiss her
to distract us both
and keep her
on the edge
just outside
but if I let her in
god knows I want to
let her
but so does the devil
and she is full
of life, warmth, delight
but if I let her in
if I let her
see me
I'd break us both
and worse, I don't
want her to go
down
with me
but I crave
the darkest depths
and we are starting to feel
shallow breathing in my ear
that she wants me
here, now, anytime
I'm up for it
but I am too weak
to carry this guilt
on top
of all the rest and
I want to be
seen
and I want her
to see through the tint
because
if this was real
she'd see me
she'd know me
anywhere, everywhere
in every sense
and I'd know, wouldn't I?
if it was true
if it was her
if it was finally safe
to come out
and let the right one
slip in